I agree that the fading metaphor is powerful, and the story is engaging. I am curious if something else could reinforce this. What happens if the type starts smaller and and we have to struggle to read it? or, As "I" fade, the type gets bigger so that it fills the screen? What happens if the type becomes illegible?
I am curious how this might fit into a larger gaming world? Right now it is a story. Am I supposed to be collecting coins from the passersby? If so, I am not sure how to do that. Do the passersby change if I collect coins? In the future, will there be points of decision? Do I stay with my friends? or go out on the street? Are there choices that might drive me back to my friends?
A text based "game" that you may find interesting: http://playspent.org/
Thanks for sharing. This is a great start.